Just learnt from BBC Four: Once at a royal dinner a female guest pissed herself as she was refused permission to go to to the antechamber and knickers hadn’t been invented at that point. The puddle on the floor ‘threatened the shoes of the guests’.

Work is grinding me down

“Convinced he’s been beheaded, Pierrot bores open Cassander’s skull to smoke a bowl of tobacco in it, and at the end with consummate detachment can ‘gladly view the lovely world’!”

>Be child of popular author

>Browse stories from confession bear meme, leisurely sprinkle with new plot details, adapt to greentext stories

>Publish collection of these as slick, enigmatic hardback aimed at middle class students with high opinions of their own taste and sophistication

>Is a hit with middle class students with high opinions of their own taste and sophistication

>Omit to ever refer back to 4chan or r/greentext

>Do book signing

>In Urban Outfitters of all places

>See guy in queue wearing 4chan t-shirt

>Cold sweat

>Mop brow

>4chan guy reaches front of queue

>Speak first – “Well, I bet you’re quite the man to please.”

>4chan guy stares blankly

>Blush

>Hold pen slightly aloft

>”Did you want me to er, sign anything?”

>4chan guy pulls out laptop from bag and bashes me over head

>Die

>

>

peterjudson:

Apartment

peterjudson:

Apartment

(via alizardqueen)

haiku ~

in hell

mumford & sons plays

on repeat