You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You and the stranger both like art, and postmodernism.

Stranger: lmao

You: trendy

Stranger: You and the stranger both like art, and postmodernism.

Stranger: what do you know about postmodernism

You: erm, quite a lot.

You: why?

Stranger: Can you tell me Lyotard is?

Stranger: who

You: Sorry but is this an exam?

Stranger: Yes, I’m questioning the validity of your intellectual capacity.

Stranger: And the fact that you most likely know very little in regards to postmodern art.

You: Why? To make you feel better about yourself? If you were being sarcastic it doesn’t show on here, sorry.

You: Oh Christ, you really are up your own arse aren’t you.

You: I hope you realise you’ll gain very few friends talking down to people like that.

Stranger: How can one who is interested in such topics not be?

You: What, a bigot?

Stranger: And I’m not looking to gain friends

You: Not sure.

You: I think it’s perfectly possible though.

Stranger: Bigotry is completely irrelevant here..

Stranger: has nothing to do with bigotry

Stranger: as if you have any expectations of someone on here

You: Seriously, get over yourself. Noone is impressed by your knowledge of philosophers or postmodern theory.

Stranger: Not trying to impress anyone.. simply am.

Stranger: time for someone to step up to my level

You: Okay, so what made you instantly assume I know less than you?

Stranger: The fact that you’re on omegle, and I have no other means of judging you and/or observing you.

Stranger: The fact that many people on here feign their knowledge or art, film, and the likes.

You: You’re on Omegle. We both are. You have no upper hand there.

Stranger: I do subjectively.

Stranger: I know what I know.

You: Exactly - subjectively.

You: This is all in your head.

You: Maybe I should play down to your expectations

You: You’d love that.

Stranger: In my head? This is mostly stream-of-the-consciousness jargon spew for me.. not sure what you’re getting at.

Stranger: :3

You: Just do everyone a favour and keep it locked away up there.

Stranger: Having no ego on here = dull, trite, incompetent, etc.

Stranger: “everyone”

Stranger: I’m sure you’re quite the proletariat

Stranger: <___<

Stranger: I make good use of irony on here too.

You: Yep, you nailed that one on the head. You do come off as extremely bitter.

Stranger: And?

Stranger: No, hold on..

Stranger: And?

You: Knowing your love of gross generalisations you’ll probably call me a psychologist

You: for saying something like that

You: And, nothing. You pontificate freely and I’ll do the same.

Stranger: Every human being grossly generalizes, it’s inescapable.. and most of the time, first impressions make the largest impression. That’s just how it is..

You: And I have no reason for pointing out that you come across as extremely unlikeable other than because I hope you can change, but I doubt it

Stranger: Again, likeable/unlikeable not really an issue here.. you seem too concerned with petty emotional details.

You: You’ll probably come up with some clever sidetrack or just attack me, but why are you so bitter if I may ask?

Stranger: really…

You: I’m not concerned, but I’ve had to deal with it. You’ve talked to me like this.

Stranger: If you have to ask, “why s0o0 bitter?” then I have nothing to really explain

You: Jesus you really do spend your life on the internet don’t you

Stranger: Yes

You: Don’t know why I had to ask

Stranger: I’ve spent numerous occasions socializing and interacting with peers

Stranger: I’m always irritated and strongly uncomfortable

Stranger: in my head, ofc

You: You remind me of the uncyclopedia article for ‘you’

You: Oddly enough.

You: Are you British?

Stranger: No

Stranger: and fuck uncyclopedia

Stranger: <__<

Stranger: some lame 4-chan shit

You: I don’t spend enough time on the internet to have anything other than indifference for any of these sites.

You: I just happened to be on it while browsing

Stranger: mhm

You: It’s always pretty depressing when people get themselves genuinely angry over things that barely exist physically or matter in real life

You: i.e. websites

Stranger: “real life”

You: Yes, as opposed to an electronic reproduction of flittering fragments of real life.

You: And don’t bother getting all metaphysical on me.

Stranger: implying use of vulgar language has some emotional implication

You: I really can’t be arsed.

You: Vulgar?

You: Come again?

You: What was vulgar?

Stranger: You seemed to correlate my use of a pejorative to some over-generalized assumption about anger and “angst”

Stranger: I have angst seeping from my cerebral cortex

You: You sound like Will Self.

Stranger: 24/7

You: Everyone has fucking angst seeping from them. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You: Please

Stranger: Nah, “everyone” is mostly dull-minded, uncultured, and frankly completely illiterate.

Stranger: in the context of omegle

You: Obviously. How long have you been using this site?

Stranger: Then wtf are you getting all up in my grill for??

Stranger: Nice job contradicting yourself

You: And you know what I meant by ‘everyone’, anyone with a vaguely respectable intellect

Stranger: Nah, you never made that aware.

Stranger: just keep saying “everyone this,” “everyone that”

Stranger: how pedantic of you lmao

You: Well, in your own words (or to paraphrase them) - “everyone generalises”

You: I’m ready for a nitpicking.

You: I know that’s not exactly what generalisation means.

You: Here we go.

Stranger: Indeed, but you seem to have this hellbent altruistic “get over yourself” attitude that is perpetuating conflict more than it is preventing

Stranger: the fact is, you should get more into yourself

Stranger: and care less about others

You: Nope, I hate myself as much as you hate yourself

You: Maybe that’s how it happened

You: I’ll try to stop talking like that though, sorry.

Stranger: I hate myself more than anyone

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: stop acting like you don’t comprehend vanity though

Stranger: annoying as fuck

You: Comprehend vanity?

Stranger: Yes

Stranger: comprehend vanity

Stranger: self-indulgence

Stranger: etc.

You: I’m not sure what you mean. I know what vanity is but I don’t see what I’m ‘not comprehending’

Stranger: wtf are you understanding

Stranger: getting on some morality “oh plz” soapbox bullshit

Stranger: when you yourself are just as equivocally a hypocrite

Stranger: I’m way beyond petty name-calling and labeling

Stranger: you aren’t

Stranger: pretty simple.. tbh

You: I don’t even know where to start in terms of defending myself as you seem to be on some sort of bitter moral crusade even though I haven’t said anything remotely nasty, vain or judgemental for at least 5 minutes

You: And you just called me a hypocrite

You: Apart from that being “name-calling”

You: In the most blatant sense

You: It also makes you a hypocrite

Stranger: lmao THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT

Stranger: <.<

You: Sorry if I somehow offended you by trying to be reasonable. Not all conversations have to be intellectual duels.

Stranger: They do though..

Stranger: at least on here

You: And it wasn’t the point, don’t pass that off as some kind of far-flung humour of yours

You: Not convincing

Stranger: I’m too absurdist and postmodern for you to comprehend

Stranger: I’m ahead of the curve before you even conceive it

You: How impressive

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: Anyhow, this all began because you seemed to have issue with my sentiments of bitterness and irritability

Stranger: I’m an misanthrope.. don’t know what to tell you

Stranger: I’m extremely persnickety in regards to who I actually confide in / consider as an equal social comrade

You: You’d be excellent as a troll.

Stranger: I trolled myself before (you) even got offended

Stranger: waking up = getting trolled

You: How adorable

Stranger: adorable?

You: Adorable.

You: You and your internet sentiments.

Stranger: u can’t internet

You: Sorry?

Stranger: u can’t internet, son

You: I’m not trying. I’ve often though, I’m glad I when I see something internet-y and don’t know what it means

You: It’s reassuring

Stranger: You’re a female, right? How old are you? Don’t pen me into some misogynistic pigeonhole either.. because you’re clearly female

Stranger: if anything, I come off as the more androgynous one

You: That’s hilarious

You: That actually made me grin

Stranger: k

You: You’re actually adorable.

Stranger: that just makes me more irritated “:(“

Stranger: can’t be taken “srsly oh noz”

You: I can’t understand why you’re still talking like that

You: I’m not making this up, I really don’t bother with ‘internet cool’ or whatever you like to think of it as

Stranger: lol

Stranger: wtf

You: Being cool at the internet is almost always inversely proportional to cool in real life.

You: So you may as well drop it

Stranger: Internet persona has about 0% relation to any identity being assumed irl

Stranger: jumping to immense conclusions here

You: “Immense”

You: You must get all the girls with such ornate vocabulary

Stranger: implying I’m heterosexual

You: Most men are

You: I wasn’t assuming

You: Are you gay?

Stranger: no

You: I love how you instantly defended yourself as not a misogynist

You: sorry

You: you didn’t want to be pigeon-holed

Stranger: hmm? I’m pansexual

Stranger: I don’t view perceive gender as a concrete material form.

Stranger: or

You: That must be liberating for you.

You: Don’t patronise me.

Stranger: You’re worth patronizing

You: You don’t have to define every obscure term you throw at me, thanks.

You: Everyone is worth patronising in your opinion, if it makes you feel better about yourself.

Stranger: I’m more feminist than over 50% of females

Stranger: irony intended

You: Sorry, so why am I worth patronising?

Stranger: I was just being facetious

Stranger: trying to rile you up

You: Like you have the entire conversation

You: Hence what I was saying

You: It’s adorable in a sort of teen angst kind of way.

Stranger: Having the upper hand ftw

You: *Perceived upper hand

You: How old are you, just out of interest?

You: Just a number will do.

You: Please.

You: Delete whatever sentence you’re typing.

You: And give me just a number first

Stranger: Why, so you can liken me to a teenager? Please.. if that’s your idea, you’re nowhere near my level maturity.

Stranger: of

You: Nevermind, I knew I was never going to get an answer out of you

Stranger: fucking hell, just disconnect already

Stranger: I’m 22

You: It’s fine though because I know not to trust anything you say so

You: Why do you want me to disconnect?

Stranger: you’re being irritating again

Stranger: compromising my age

You: You just told me to ‘disconnect already’, prefacing it with ‘fucking hell’.

You: I’m naturally going to be concerned.

Stranger: wtf? Once again, you’re all up on this morally neutral/self-perceived adulthood soap box bullshit.. Being extremely irritable and bitter has nothing to do with age… this isn’t some byproduct of some contrived sense of cookie-cutter Mall-shop made “counter-culture.” Tell Franz Kafka that he shouldn’t be bitter.

Stranger: You seem like the type looking forward to “settling down”

You: I’m sorry, but you can write me an entire essay on why you think I asked the question, but I was simply interested.

You: And not at all, I’m 21.

Stranger: thinking about kids?

You: Nope.

You: Not at all.

You: You?

Stranger: nah

Stranger: I’m aiming for solitude.

You: That sounds like something to aspire to.

You: It must have been a nasty feeling when you realised you’re so unique that noone on the planet deserves your companionship

Stranger: meh

Stranger: teh

Stranger: etc.

Stranger: I’m sure when I move out of this area, I’ll find people of interest to associate with.

You: I’m sure. Which area is this?

You: I’m from Britain, you don’t have to worry about keeping it a secret.

Stranger: Do you watch Look Around You?

You: I asked a question first.

Stranger: NC, uS.

Stranger: US

You: Well, it’s an honour to meet the most intellectual and unique person from NC.

You: No, I haven’t heard of it

Stranger: Who’s being patronizing now?

You: Me. I think, on balance, you earned it.

Stranger: Hmm..

Stranger: oh well.. it’s half-true anyhow lmao

Stranger: take half of it at face value

You: I always do

Stranger: What’s your taste in film

You: I’m sorry - you care about me now?

You: I thought your interests extended as far as belittling morons you find on omegle

Stranger: curious if you know Mike Leigh (which you don’t)

Stranger: but he’s a British director

Stranger: one of my favourites..

You: “which you don’t”

You: I’d be much more inclined to talk about anything if you could show some fucking manners ocassionally.

Stranger: kplzthx

Stranger: plzkthx

Stranger: etc.

You: Anyway I’m sure my film taste is nowhere near as gritty and esoteric as yours, so I won’t embarrass myself.

Stranger: Do you think James Cameron is real film?

You: He’s a human

You: Not a film

Stranger: really..

Stranger: you just don’t understand my semantics, obviously..

Stranger: wasn’t meant to be interpreted literally

Stranger: you disappoint me yet again

You: “yet again”

You: Obviously I knew what you meant

Stranger: then you’re just being petty…

You: The most retarded person on omegle could understand that sentence

Stranger: no dignity in that

You: I know, because you’re still being rude.

You: And I’m find for dignity, thanks.

Stranger: well stop being petty or disconnect.. I’m rude and a prick, deal with it

Stranger: “hurr hurr”

Stranger: literally my response to your attempt at sarcasm

You: Well I wish you weren’t, because you’re obviously extremely intelligent, so you’re wasting it by being so bitterly incompatible with regular conversation

Stranger: “I FUCKING HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE”

Stranger: asfadfsdfsdfsdfsd

You: I’m just being honest

Stranger: I’m just being cynical

You: And I don’t know what the whole thing of putting speech marks around your sentences is about

Stranger: you wouldn’t

You: What is that supposed to mean?

You: I know I wouldn’t, and I’m happy that I don’t

Stranger: good

Stranger: idk, but I’m naked and need to jump in the shower now

Stranger: cheers!

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